For a few months now, I haven’t felt so great about my body. At the peak of marathon training and even right after my marathon, I didn’t care too much about my weight or what I ate or anything like that; my body was doing some amazing things and I felt stronger than ever. After my marathon, I kind of slacked off a bit, and then when I left my job a little over a month ago, the lack of routine definitely threw me for a loop and my exercise habits kind of fell onto the back burner as I sat around feeling sorry for myself and confused about what to do next.
I can tell that I’ve put on a few pounds and it’s a bit disappointing for me. By no means do I think I am fat, but I’m definitely not where I want to or should be. The doctor might also agree with this since he still uses BMI to determine health; it’s pretty absurd actually. Anyway, it was a huge eye-opener when I actually stepped on the scale last weekend and was absolutely shocked by the number I saw (a number I promised myself I’d never see again). The other thing that opened my eyes was when I tried on my bridesmaid dress for the first time.
The dress looks great and is incredibly flattering. I like it because I’ll be able to wear it again in the future and I love the color of it. Trying on this dress was an eye-opener, however, because it fits perfectly…perhaps a little too perfectly (read: I can’t sit down or bend over, because it’s too snug). If I lose a few pounds or tighten up, the dress really will be perfect, but if I gain any weight, I will have to have it taken out and I would hate to do that. It would be disappointing and would also be expensive, and I’d rather not.
That being said, I’ve recommitted to being healthier. For me, it rarely has to do with the number on the scale. In the past few weeks, it has mattered to me, because my body doesn’t feel like it did even a few months ago, and the difference is noticeable beyond my appearance. I am going to continue weighing myself weekly as a bit of motivation, but I can say that after recommitting a couple of weeks ago, I’ve already begun to feel a thousand times better, regardless of minor changes on the scale. I’m eating better and I’m making an effort to exercise everyday, even if it’s just going for a hike or rock climbing. I refuse to feel sorry for myself and I refuse to not feel good about myself, regardless of what the scale says. I want to feel comfortable and confident in that dress, in my running apparel, and in my other clothes that have become a bit too fitted. In terms of non-scale motivation, I have until July for the wedding, and I have several races coming up.
After an amazing run on Saturday, I feel confident about running the half marathon on April 29. I just need to sign up for it. I like to procrastinate but I am going to sign up tonight. Or tomorrow. Really whenever I stop being lazy and grab my wallet. Additionally, my goal is to get faster this year. My shorter, speedier runs during the winter months actually helped me out quite a bit and I am feeling and performing better on my long runs. Saturday’s run is one example, but so was today’s run.
Finished in 1:08:50, an 8:44 pace. I felt so good.
To be honest, I don’t know what the point of this post was or where it is going. I just needed to put these feelings I’ve had about myself out there, and also explain some of the goals I have for myself. At the end of the day, it really comes down to how I feel and how successful I am in completing my goals, whatever they may be. For the time being, a faster half marathon (and eventually, marathon) would be ideal. Feeling better and more comfortable in my body would be ideal as well. But I won’t continue to be complacent. Like everything else in life, I need to go out there and get it. Waiting and/or hoping for a change isn’t going to accomplish much, if anything at all.